It’s the most wonderful time of the year… except, well, is it? Not to be Scrooge, but there are a lot of things about Christmas that we would gladly cast into Room 101.*
Let’s start with the food. There’s an endless conveyor belt of the stuff to consume, and none of it is what we’d actually choose. Roast turkey? Dry. Christmas pudding? Sickly. Sprouts? Don’t get us started. There isn’t enough Gaviscon for the evening of 25th December.
The writer and podcaster, Pandora Sykes, certainly thinks so: “I do not like Christmas food,” she says. “Turkey, parsnips, Christmas pudding, mince pies, brandy butter, mulled wine - none of it is for me. I’m ecstatic to be hosting for the first time this year and we are having (drum roll) beef wellington. I know some festive purists will be foaming at the bit reading that, but I also wonder how many people - whisper it - would actually prefer that to turkey…” Jewellery designer Sabine Getty agrees: “If it were up to me I’d do caviar, foie gras and Champagne on Christmas Eve only and skip the whole Christmas Day lunch…”
For others, like the artist Luke Edward Hall and interior designer Matilda Goad, it’s the puddings in particular – soaked in booze, stuffed with currants – that they struggle with. “I can just about put away a mince pie or two, but I draw the line at Christmas cake and Christmas pudding,” says Luke. “A shame really, as I have a major sweet tooth, but I really can't deal with all that boozy dried fruit and peel. And don't get me started on marzipan and fondant icing. I am aware that this could be described as heresy – I know people that couldn't survive Christmas without the puddings and cakes, but I'd rather have a chocolate mousse.” Matilda is in agreement: “Bowls of lychees and a plate with a delicious brownie cut up into small pieces gets my vote – who actually likes Christmas pudding?”
Speaking of festive swaps, Lucy Williams has a suggestion for fellow anti-mince pie people. “As someone that doesn't really like dried fruit or marmalade, I genuinely don't understand the appeal,” she says. “I'd much rather take on the Scandinavian penchant for gingerbread and saffron buns. I will concede the smell of a freshly baked mince pie is nice but have you ever smelt a freshly-baked cinnamon bun or ginger cookie? Just as good, if not better.”
Of course, there’s always a lot of chatter about Christmas decorations, and what is considered in good taste, with the ‘T’ word (tinsel) attracting the most vitriol of all (it’s banned in homeware designer Alice Naylor-Leyland’s house, for example). You don’t want to be that one house on the street that people stop their cars to look at – but equally, you should have a little bit of fun – albeit, stylishly.
For interior designer Penny Morrison, that means swapping the plastic tat for more traditional pieces. “I would do away with a Christmas full of synthetic shine and artificial excess,” she says. “I much prefer inviting nature-inspired décor into my home, like a handcrafted wreath or bunches of holly.” Meanwhile Sabine advises “warm white lights only – coloured lights on a Christmas tree are unacceptable.”
They are pretty, yes, but low-hanging baubles are a hazard in artist Tatiana Alida’s household, at risk of being displaced by a boisterous pup: “While I think a Christmas tree needs baubles to complete the look, the low-hanging ones are always in danger of being swatted by the wagging tail of the family dog, resulting in crushed ornaments and chaos,” she jokes. “Then to make matters worse, one’s tights get laddered from the prickly pines while clearing up!” The pine needles from real trees are another endless source of grief – but faux trees often don’t look as good.
The forced fun of the day itself also bothers some, from complicated or embarrassing games, even extending to crackers. “I would happily cast forced party games into the Christmas past,” admits florist and author Willow Crossley. “They make me panic and want to hide under the table. We never did them at home when we were small so I don’t know any by name, and being introduced to them as an adult felt horrifying – especially anything that involves singing!”
Alice Herbert, co-founder of Lay London, has a clever alternative to store-bought crackers, too. “I think we could all do away with the bad jokes in Christmas crackers. If I see another penguin pun…” she jokes. “Instead, with a little bit of care you can undo most shop-bought crackers and swap out the insides for your own written witticisms. And why stop there! Wouldn’t we all much rather a thoughtful keepsake than a plastic whistle, or at least something… delicious?”
Naturally, there’s also much discussion these days about the excessive consumption and waste of the festive period. “The plastic gets me down,” says creative director Alex Eagle. “The wrapping paper, tinsel and throw away stuff that can’t be recycled. I love brown paper with lovely ribbons you can reuse or Furoshiki wrap – the fabric wrapped boxes you can reuse year after year.” Chef Nina Parker thinks along the same lines: “I actually can’t stand the excessive buying. You end up with too many things that you don’t need and it's just encouraging consumer culture,” she says. “I tend to make foodie gifts such as chocolates, nougat or chilli oil or I take my family out for an activity. I’m taking my parents to Abba Voyage this year.”
The pressure to have the perfect Christmas day is inevitable, too. “I find the build up to Christmas so joyful, from the lights to the large department store displays and Christmas songs on a loop,” says Alice Wawrik, interiors consultant. “However, controversially, I hate the day itself! There’s so much pressure for a home to look perfect, people to be happy, the food to be delicious, presents to be well thought out... Give me a Deliveroo and a day under the duvet with Love Actually on the telly and that’s a perfect Christmas Day in my eyes.”
*Suffice to say, if Father Christmas is reading this, we love Christmas really...
