When we moved into our debatably habitable wreck of a house, it wasn’t a sense of maternal responsibility that led me to prioritise my son’s bedroom over the leaking roof, rotten floorboards, and cracked chimneys. Rather, it was because the room had lime-green woodwork, a grey faux-brick feature wall, the fireplace was surrounded by Banksy stencils, there was an utterly gopping industrial-effect overhead light – and I was terrified that my then ten-year-old son would want to keep it all. I based this fear on his having been deeply impressed by how much a real Bansky had recently fetched at auction, his description of the light as “steam-punk, and really cool,” and his desire for an optical illusion rug that made it look like you were going to fall into a massive hole if you stepped on it. I’m not denying that the combination would have been a strong look – but it isn’t my look. (Aside from anything else, I suffer from vertigo – that rug would have made it impossible for me to enter Sholto’s room. Writing this, I realise that might have been the point.)
On talking to other parents of tween and teen children, I discovered I was far from alone. Lulu Lytle of Soane found herself negotiating her son down from black bedroom walls, and Alexandra Tolstoy resorted to paying one of her children £50 in return for his agreeing to let her wallpaper his room – in Sibyl Colefax & John Fowler Seaweed, no less. It’s a tricky business, decorating with children – and entirely different from decorating for children, the former incorporating their point of view and taste along with your own, which is a much harder undertaking than creating a circus-inspired fantasy complete with hand-painted de Gournay wallpaper for an enraptured three-year-old.
In The Decoration of Houses, Edith Wharton wrote about the importance of decorating children’s schoolrooms well, pointing out that “daily intercourse with poor pictures, trashy ‘ornaments’, and badly designed furniture may, indeed, be fittingly compared with a mental diet of silly and ungrammatical story-books.” Well, her 19th century readers did not have TikTok and MTV Cribs to contend with – or, perhaps more importantly, social media expectations within their children’s peer group. For the tween and teen years are tricky ones; there is often a tentative loosening of the apron strings, along with urges to fit in, and, conversely, strike out. While on the one hand you want to allow your children an element of agency, repeat redecoration is neither sustainable nor affordable, and equally, you probably want to be able to leave their bedroom door open without the scheme jarring with the rest of the house.
Approached cleverly, “decorating with your child is an opportunity for them to learn about the reality of decorating, which can only happen through experience,” suggests Lucy Hammond Giles of Sibyl Colefax & John Fowler. “Involve them – if they’re interested - and they’ll see the difference between the impact of a small swatch, and full curtains in a that pattern – and they’ll discover the related costs of decorating.” So – what tips can we glean from those with prior experience?
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Pre-select and minimise the options
The key, says Lucy, “is to treat your children like a client,” and do the hard work for them in terms of research. “You’ve got to give them choice – because everybody appreciates choice – but narrow it down, otherwise it’s overwhelming.” The late, great John Fowler reportedly had a clever means of ensuring that the ultimate decision was his; Adrian Tinniswood recounts his laying out several patterns and saying, “I expect you think that blue is too pale,” then “I’m sure you think that blue is not right for the date,” before clasping a third and saying, “And you, darling you, with your unerring eye, will say this one is perfect.”
(“Sadly, I’m not sure that your children look up to you in the same way that clients do, though,” says Lucy.)
Don’t be afraid to take ultimate responsibility
“At times, you do need to persuade them to let you do what you want – because ultimately, we do know better,” says Lucy. “And it’s not that we’re trying to be patronising, it’s that we are trying ensure beauty.” Hence Alexandra’s bribery – “he does love the wallpaper now, and concedes that it works very well with the blind, which is in Volga Linen’s Alyosha,” she says. “He’s a very tidy child, and he thought that the overall effect wouldn’t work; now that it’s up he appreciates the neatness of the uniformity.”
Although: compromise
But there also needs to be compromise. Lulu persuaded her son to go for dark grey walls, rather than black – but fulfilled his wish for “something from Ikea” with a huge wardrobe, for which “I’m now designing curtains,” she says. Alexandra gladly provided the built-in shelves that her son had requested, and gave her daughter the blue cupboard and bunk bed that she so desired.
And I should have had more faith in my son’s taste, for he started peeling off the faux-brick wallpaper before I did, and asked for his bedroom to be painted the exact same shade of blue as in our former home (Edward Bulmer Paint in Fair Blue), and for a headboard – I found a vintage one, with matching valance, upholstered in Colefax & Fowler’s Roses and Pansies, which isn’t terribly masculine, but he hasn’t objected. In return, I’ve facilitated the purchasing of a space-age hovering light that he thinks is even cooler than the supposedly steam-punk overhead light that I just couldn’t bear to look at, and so removed.
Theming is not impossible
While no one is suggesting that a shrine to cult computer game Fortnite is going to be attractive (also, gaming chairs are vast, and desperately unwieldy) some theming can work, providing it can be prettily executed. I’m still somewhat covetous of a Pierre Frey wallpaper covered in ponies that I first spotted aged eight - and then witness Salvesen Graham’s use of camouflage on headboards, valances and storage stools in a boy’s bedroom. “The brief was something very hardwearing – this definitely suited his personality and was a firm favourite when he was given some choices to look at,” says Nicole Salvesen.
Leave room for experimentation
“Essentially, we’re attempting to corral the chaos,” says Lucy, who reckons that she moved her furniture around almost weekly when she was a child. “We’re giving them a framework within which they can experiment.” She suggests huge pinboards as a being helpful in the battle against blue-tack residue (Alexandra has given her children rather smart ones by Benedict Foley) and involving them in things like picture hanging.
(My own daughter – who is evidently a big believer in experimenting, has orchestrated three re-hangs of her bedroom in eighteen months. Very soon she is going to have to learn how to fill in the holes she’s leaving, which I consider a valuable life skill.)
Give them opportunity to discover their style
Within that freedom to experiment might be the occasional indulgence; Victoria Gray of Olivine Design recommends giving children £5 at antiques markets, and seeing what they come back with. I can’t pretend that my first attempted adoption of this policy was an success – Sholto came back with a plastic chandelier and a set of reproduction bulls’ horns with Chinese characters on them – but it led to conversations about materiality and use, and more recently he spent some money he’d earned on a rather lovely mid-century painting that now hangs above his bed, having also saved up to get it framed. Alexandra’s son, who’s very interested in coding, bought himself a vintage Mac desktop computer, “which looks amazing in his room with his modernist light,” she remarks.
The new series of Interior Design Masters, which is one of my daughter’s favourite programmes (we watch it together) starts later this month, and I often find her flicking through the copies of House & Garden I leave lying on the coffee table. She loves accompanying me to the framer (though does have an opinion – which is sometimes useful) – while Sarah Vanrenen attributes a childhood spent “driving to site visits, interior projects, fabric and antique shops” as having led to her joining her mother, Penny Morrison, in the interior design industry.
Remember a closed door can be beautiful
Finally, if it all goes wrong – or, if your child is just incredibly messy and despite the use of exquisite fabrics their bedroom develops an unintentional theme of Legogeddon – “make sure that door is really beautiful – maybe sound-proofed baize - and resign yourself to keeping it shut,” advises Lucy.
